I wasn't too sure if I should write anything today. My outlook on life hasn't been the greatest and I am starting to wonder if I made the right choice. I think that many people enter the teaching profession thinking they will change lives and really make a difference but lately, it doesn't seem like that is happening at all, or if I'm changing lives, its not for the better. This makes me question my motives, my methods, myself in general. What makes me think I have the disposition to work with moody teenagers? Why do I have this insane need to expect the best from students when I'm not giving my best either?
Since the break is coming up here really soon, it seems like we are all just struggling to get through the day so that we are one day closer to break. Put into consideration that no one planned the schedule out very well so we have two un-needed half days to contend with when two full days would have worked just as well since there aren't any finals. way to think that one through huh? This is what I get from letting decisions be made for me.
Today, had two classes work on tests. They didn't get done in the time allowed. Could it be that one class I need to add 15 additional minutes? Could it be that the other test didnt get finished because it was 30 geometry questions in less than 40 minutes? Luckily most students came back but I wasn't able to track who might have taken the test home with them. Wouldn't be a big deal but this class is infamous for improper use of resources.
Finally, just when I thought one class was doing ok, we got some work done and they seemed to catch on to what we needed to do... I saw the cover of one of my student's binders and at the top was my name in conjunction with the *-itch word (rhymes with witch). This student, I try to look out for them and while we dont share a personal connection, I thought we got along well and I did my best to make sure this person had extra attention in regards to math since I didn't see this person much except our class. This person claims they didnt write it but the handwriting is unmistakable, seeing as i've seen that handwriting for three years now. it would have been nice if they could have erased the word as well but they made no move to do so. so there it stays. awesome. this leads me to believe I expect too much of everyone, including me. Maybe I should just succumb to mediocrity. seems to be working for everyone else. or maybe i take a picture of it and send it on up the chain. is that taking it too personal? its there for everyone to see. is that petty or calling to attention disrespect? i dont know either. im getting tired so i almost want to drop it. almost. if only they had offered to erase it instead of leaving it there. it was in pencil. could have erased it. argh.
two more half days. just gotta get through those and maybe we can all have a break and get some rest from each other. maybe we can return with better attitudes or at least be ready to see each other again.
this Connecticut thing. it makes you think a bit. think about safety, think about motives, think about how to handle that situation if it happens to you. i would take a bullet to help protect my kids, i wonder if they consider this when they call me these ugly things behind my back. that brings me to, i formally apologize to my former teachers for being an idiot back in school. i hope i wasn't as disrespectful and if i was, i'm sorry and if it makes you feel better, its coming back to haunt me.
got some things to work on so i'm out. lates.
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