There are days when I know I should have something important to say but when I finally get a forum to express my ideas and whatnots, I come up blank. Or I KNOW what I want to say but have a hard time getting that thought out or that thought scares me so much that the very concept of actually expressing that though out loud, that also scares me b/c its probably a thought that I'm not quite ready to admit to having.
There are many of us that walk around day after day with these types of thoughts mulling around in our brains. Things that we think but don't necessarily want to share with the world. Maybe a close friend is willing to listen and not be frightened of the thought you might have but the world, the world cannot fathom your thoughts and would spurn you for thinking in such a manner. So i've been having the 2nd type of thoughts lately. No, no, I dont want to kill anyone. I mean, there are some horrible people in this world but I'm not ready for that kind of power nor do I really want to wish death on anyone i know. I have too much time on my hands lately though and so little ideas start blossoming into bigger ideas and notions and frankly, it makes my head hurt. is it possible to think too much? if so, i think I've done it. the problem with thinking too much is that it tends to make you paranoid. not good paranoid (maybe i should avoid the guy with the knife in his hand on my side of the street) but bad paranoid where you take a simple situation and completely blow it out of proportion and the people with straight jackets come and take you away b/c you've gone nutty.
thinking too much also seems to mess up relationships with those you dont want to mess things up with but then again, if you dont think about that person enough, they notice that youre not paying attention and then youre subject to the title of "uncaring." is there no happy medium??
I hear Yoga and meditation are good for people like me. I actually just started a running program in hopes that it will help me clear my head for at least half an hour but i have to make it to the gym for the running to actually work. my bad.
in the end, i dont like thinking as much as i do. it makes people laugh that i think and overanalyze things over and over but if YOU'RE not thinking about the situation, SOMEONE needs to think about the situation and that usually ends up being me. so since YOU'RE not thinking about the situation and I'M the only one thinking about the situation b/c SOMEONE needs to think about the situation, i think i'm entitled to be a little nutty b/c i'm doing the thinking for two, not just one.
its time for the non-thinkers to step up to the plate. time to step out of the shadows and start taking your fair share of the worry. yes. maybe the other person can have sleepless nights and self-doubt for a couple days. or maybe i just stop thinking for/about that person altogether b/c thats what they seem to be doing and it seems to be working really well for them. hmm. something to think about.
